SEEMA KUMARI’S world revolves around her husband and children. A chemistry graduate, Kumari aspired to be a doctor. But she was forced to marry at a young age and thereafter she couldn’t continue her studies.
Her daughters, Aiswarya and Saundarya, have grown up. Both are staying in hostel and they hardly get to spend time with their mom except during holidays. Her husband, a banker, is busy with his work, which sometimes involves out-of-town trips.
At 44, Seema feels that she is all alone. “I get depressed due to loneliness,” she says. “Sometimes, I get worried about my health problems or family matters. But I have no one to talk to.”
Children sometimes compare their stay-at-home moms with their friends’ moms, who look smarter and more stylish. “Such comparisons are painful and depressing,” says Kumari, who hails from Bihar.
Children sometimes compare their stay-at-home moms with their friends’ moms, who look smarter and more stylish. “Such comparisons are painful and depressing,” says Kumari, who hails from Bihar.
Things are not easy for career women either. Even if they get a promotion at work they face criticism if their children don’t do well in exams. March often turns out to be the cruellest month for them.
So, what is the simplest way to deal with depression? Exercise every day, say experts. “Exercise is a very important part of the treatment,” says Menon. “Walk briskly for an hour a day in some clear area like a park, terrace or in your apartment complex. Exercise helps get rid of tension.”
Also, avoid sleeping during daytime. “Even if you are tired, walk around a little. Lying down will only make you feel more tired,” says Menon. “Keep yourself engaged in some way or the other. Maybe you can take rest for an hour in the afternoon.”
“A few days before my periods, I become a different person. I find a victim and pick fights with that person. At night, I cry out aloud like a mad woman.”
NIHARIKA GOEL of Gurgaon appears to be a sunshine girl. Her floral top seems to be an extension of her personality. She enlivens even the dullest of parties. But there are days when Goel undergoes a strange metamorphosis. She looks for reasons to sulk and cry. It can be as simple as a friend not picking up her call. “I yell at my husband and ignore my daughter,” she says. “Sometimes, I wake up at night and start crying and howling. A couple of times my daughter saw it and got really scared.” Goel, however, becomes normal once her periods start.
She is now on medication for premenstrual syndrome (PMS). “I’ve also started taking antidepressants and relaxants to sleep now,’’ she says.
Premenstrual syndrome is generally found in women between late 20s and early 40s. It refers to a group of symptoms occurring clinically 7 to 14 days before menstruation. “It is caused by changing hormones, chemical changes in the brain, low levels of vitamins, and excessive salt, alcohol and caffeine intake,” says Dr Laila Dave, consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist, Nova Specialty Surgery in Mumbai.
PMS cannot be diagnosed through lab tests, says Dave. Doctors generally rely on patient history and clinical findings. “The symptoms of PMS include tiredness, swollen tender breasts, bloating, food craving, inability to concentrate, depression (mild to severe), mood swings and irritability,” says Dave. “One can have premenstrual dysphoric disorder also, which is a severe form of premenstrual tension syndrome.”
PMS can sometimes cause complications due to depression, mood swings, lack of concentration and sleep disruption. “They can make one more vulnerable to suicidal tendencies if left untreated,” says Dave. It can be a hindrance to the working capability of a woman and cause problems in relationships. It can be treated through lifestyle modification, medication and alternate therapy.
“There are many yoga postures which may help individually, but an integrated yoga practice, including asana (postures), pranayama (regulation of breath), kriyas (cleansing), and deep relaxation such as yoga nidra, and meditation techniques will help manage symptoms of depression better,’’ says Vandana Nayar, yoga consultant at Bharat Thakur’s Artistic Yoga. “Some asanas which are found to be beneficial for people with depression are sarvangasana (shoulder stand), setu bandhasana (bridge pose), bhujangasana (cobra), supta vajrasana (supine thunderbolt pose), ushtrasana (camel pose), adho mukh svanasana (downward-facing dog pose). A daily practice of bhastrika pranayam, kapalbhati kriya, anulom vilom pranayam is strongly recommended along with kunjal kriya at least once a week.”
“Initially, I refused to accept that she was no more. At times, I would call her aloud.’’
SREEDEVI UNNI was heartbroken when she lost her daughter Monisha, a promising actor, in an accident. “It took me a lot of time to come to terms with the loss. The death left a huge vacuum in my life and I sank into depression,” says Unni, who would sometimes cry like a child. “That helped. I think people who have lost their dear ones should give vent to their emotions instead of bottling them up,” she says.
Unni never took any medicines for depression. Instead, she overcame it with positive thinking. She derived strength from friends, family and spirituality. “One of my gurus treated me with Bhagavad Gita. It had answers to all my queries. Gita gave me a satisfying answer to my query ‘Why me?’,” says Unni, who practised Reiki, pranic healing, meditation and hypnotism, which helped her in the healing process.
Unni was in her early 40s when she lost her daughter. She believes that she wouldn’t have had the strength to bear the grief had she been older. “Recently, one of my relatives told me about a lady who has confined herself to a small room for the past 15 years after she lost her daughter and husband,” says Unni. “During a visit to Sarada Mutt in Bengaluru, I heard the sad story of a mother who lost all her four children. When I hear about such people I realise how lucky I’m. I, at least, have my son.”
Unni's dance academy, Monisha Arts, is the anchor of her life. “I forget all my sorrows when I’m with my students there,” she says. Yet, there are times when Unni misses her daughter terribly. Monisha was a chirpy and bubbly girl. To Unni, her belief in rebirth offers her a lot of solace.
The reaction to grief includes various stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression and resolution, says Dr Koushik Sinha Deb, assistant professor, department of psychiatry, All India Institute of Medical Sciences, Delhi. Mental health experts can help the patient move through the various stages. “We help them come out of depression through therapy or medication, if required,” says Deb. “Once the resolution happens, we tell the patient to move on with the memories and lead a fruitful and meaningful life. For instance, if the daughter liked dancing, the mother can perhaps start a dance academy. We tell the mother that she should be happy for the time they spent together.’’
